Wish I’d said that. [Updated]

Garrett Oliver on Facebook today:

The Republican race is starting to resemble some sort of zombie movie. Despite the dark machinations of evil geniuses, Romney won’t come to life, and Gingrich just won’t stay dead.

Maybe Garrett ought to give up brewing* and become a political commentator. This is one of his responses to people commenting on the post above:

Mitt’s going to find that there aren’t enough wooden stakes, garlic, or silver bullets in the world to stop Newt. To quote “Alien”, he’s “a survivor …unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.” The next scene is set in a graveyard somewhere in Florida. The surface of the dirt rustles…and fingers poke through, followed by the cold, grey hand of Rick Santorum….it’s gonna be awesome.

*Never, I say, never. Just joking.

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The Gong Show, 2012 version.

This may be the funniest review of the funniest show on television these days you will ever read. Many, many laugh-out-loud lines. I’d only add one thing Pierce apparently missed: two minutes after he had angrily denounced the whole concept class in America, Li’l Rickie Sanctimonium was going on about “blue collar workers.”

Fox News: they report, you decide…

Tags

barack obama, birth certificate, donald trump

…but, you know, you might have to figure it out a little bit, ’cause truth, accuracy and all that shit is not what they do. Also, if Barack Obama is the stand-in for that Mormon guy, does that mean he doesn’t have to show his birth certificate any more or does he have to show it more? Somebody call Donald Trump.

You could not make Newt up…

…nor, I suspect, could you possibly want to.

If you click on the art it will enlargicate* itself so much you will be taken aback. And you can see the original here.

*Yet another word that does not exist and probably should

Vote for Newt and you’ll get the crazy Bachmann eyes as well.

It’s a two-fer to end all two-fers. How can any real wingnut resist?

Skewering Newt on his way out the door.

This excerpt from Charles Pierce’s report on Barney Frank’s retirement announcement today is a reminder of how funny he could be and how much he and his acerbic wit will be missed (emphasis added by me):

His announcement at the city hall here was of a piece with his whole career. Asked if he was planning to be a lobbyist, Frank replied, “I will not become a lobbyist, nor will I become a historian.” He has taken Newt Gingrich on as a particular adversary ever since the latter became famous as a bomb-throwing back-bencher and, later, as the leader who knocked Frank into the congressional minority in 1994. Frank’s mastery of the acerbic is almost a perfect foil to Gingrich’s blowfish quasi-intellectualism. Asked to discuss the 2012 GOP presidential primary season, Frank mused, “I did not think I had led a good enough life to be rewarded with Newt Gingrich as the Republican nominee for president…. For example, I would look forward to debating Mr. Gingrich on the Defense of Marriage Act. I think he would be the perfect opponent to debate on that.” When somebody asked him to assess the state of the Republican congressional majority with whom, he said, it has become impossible to work, Frank explained that “half of them think like Michelle Bachmann and the other half are afraid of being primaried by someone who thinks like Michele Bachmann.”

Wish I’d written this.

Funny, funny comment on this Talking Points Memo piece about last night’s  Rick “gimma a minute and I’ll think of it…okay, two minutes” Perry classic brain fart:

In a desperate attempt to stop Romney, they will bring all the challengers from the “Losers Bracket” into surgery at an undisclosed location. The candidate to emerge will have Cain’s unwarranted self-confidence, Gingrich’s ability to name Cabinet departments, Paul’s faith in anarchy, Bachmann’s shrillness, Perry’s hair and Huntsman’s shoes. The surgeon reportedly said, “if we can find something useful in Santorum, we will try to use it. When we have it all put together, we won’t have much, but maybe we can still give Mitt a bit of a run for his money.”

The Santorum bit is priceless.